Category Archives: Outburstin’



I hung out with my old boss/ soul mate/ complete opposite/ baby momma (of my “God” daughter… “” bcs we’re not catholic) for a craft your ass off day. It was great, as are times always with her. I also proceeded to suffocate my Nugget. I couldn’t stop holding her and kissing her. For the first time in my life I thought, “OMG, I want a baby.” not in the I’m going to get knocked up kind of way but in the someday I’m going to get married and then I want to have a baby (in that order… I know, so lame and old fashioned). It’s not like I ever didn’t want kids. But this was the first time where I really saw myself having a baby.
I’m totes getting old.

In my defense. This kid would make anyone want one.

See what I mean!?


25 is so not the new 21

Probably the biggest sign I’ve had that I’m actually growing up?

Ringing my birthday in with a coffee mug instead of a red cup.


Dear PETA,

Suck on this

When Bad Names Happen to Good Boots

Dear Boots,

I refuse to buy you solely on the fact that you are called “hipster booties.”  You can thank your Momma and Daddy DSW for giving you that name… you’d be in my closet/on my feet otherwise.

You could've been a contender... ((but you have a crappy name, so you're screwed))

Dear Heather from seven years ago,

You’re about to become a nerd (seriously, it’s one of the best decisions you’ve ever made).

Don’t ever compromise who you are… you’re an amazing woman and should never apologize for who you are.

You’re going to go to USC (so, you better take off that UCLA sweatshirt you’re wearing NOW…).

Your parents are the most AMAZING people that exist in the world… honestly… stop being a huge biAtch to them and recognize all that they have done for you, and the great people that they are… you’re going to see them still deeply in love till the end of days… so rad.  Oh, and they’re going to be your best friends.  Weird right now, I know… but for realllsss… they’re cool people.

You are genetically predisposed to depression- it’s OKAY- just tell someone now and save yourself (and all of those around you) a whole lot of pain.

You will be happy.  On your own.  With no drugs.  With no therapist.  You’ll find SUCH inner happiness and comfort.

Don’t ever forget your faith in God.

Don’t give up on your knee problems, keep working on them to strengthen and rehabilitate- don’t give up- oh and learn to like running again.

You will go to four of your friends’ funerals before you go to one of their weddings… one will be your best friend.  You will be okay… you will be the rock in your group… that’s why God has put you with them.  So know that.  Stay strong.  And hug Devin so tightly the last time he leaves you… and say “I love you Brother” one more time when you hang up with him… even if he tells you to stop being a weirdO for saying it ten times… trust me.

One of the last people you’d ever expect to be there for you will be the very first person to hold you in her arms when you hear that he died…. forget the past now.  Love everyone and hold no grudges.  It’s grown up time now.

You will go to a lot of your friends’ weddings.  And they look SO beautiful.  Continue to stay friends with those you love.

You’re going to have to put twice as much effort into some of those friendships… they’re still totally worth it.

Stop dating guys you want to fix/help.  You’ll save yourself a lot of time… (and maybe bail money.)

Spend more time sleeping in that bedroom that you share with five other girls (yup, you will do this… but seriously, sleep there more then you want to…)

It’s okay to skip that midweek party… focus on keeping your grades up… this may help you later in life (even if you think you just want to work in advertising forever and don’t need to go to graduate school)

Oh and … get ready for your plan to get thrown to the wind… listen to that inner voice telling you to go to law school.

One more thing… that boy, the one who you’ll meet in three years that’s “totally not your type” yyeeaahhh… go for him.  Immediately.  Stop playing games and tell him you want forever with him… right when he tells you “Nice form” at the keg.  I’m serious.  End of story.

Oh and… chill it on the bleach and bagels…

Thanks for the inspiration Elise.

At Least Perez Hilton Tried?

Well, I’m glad you heard my anger, I suppose.

Though I have to disagree with you, once again… knowing that I have a place I will go when I die, knowing that I have a God that loves me and has a purpose for me… the faith I have, that feels better then any health could bring me.  You should have done what I had said… “Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.”  But, at least you’re not encouraging anorexia anymore…

Diane’s Fail

Diane’s Beachwear
When I first opened this email this morning I thought to myself “Damn! She looks gooood! I better not eat for the next four months.”. Upon further review I noticed that, well, she has no bellybutton. Assuming that she’s not an alien… I’m guessing that you may need to hire a new retoucher.